I'm on Drugs

"My name is Brant, and I'm on mind-altering drugs.

"Fluoxetine, to be exact. 20 mg a day. It's for my brain, which isn't normal. Or, perhaps it's very normal, given the millions currently taking fluoxetine, or its name-brand equivalent, Prozac. I've been taking fluoxetine for the past year."

I don't take Prozac. I take three other medications. I still deal with depression and anger and other nice little brain-twisters. But with the mind-altering drugs I am (comparatively) sane. I wonder some of the same things Brant wonders, though, about Christians taking drugs. Read his post "Is Jesus Enough?"

http://branthansen.typepad.com/letters_from_kamp_krusty/2007/12/is-jesus-enough.html

Someone replied to Brant's post with this "Some people just feel life deeper....It is like a burden that is almost too heavy to bear. Too many thoughts, too many feelings, too much for one person."

I feel that, but wonder if it's a cop out. Maybe everyone feels deeply. Maybe I just don't handle it as well as most people. Maybe that last is a beat-yourself-up thought. Maybe there is no telling.

I know people get sick of my negativity so I try not to talk to anyone if I can't be positive. (And you still get sick of it!) And I try to fake it and the more I do the better I get at it. Sometimes I hope if I fake it enough it will become real but it never does. I just get to walk around with this about-to-cry heaviness that turns to anger and sometimes-oh joy!-to giddy, need-speed, can't-shut-up happiness. And all this on drugs that control it!!

I feel pretty safe whining and feeling sorry for myself for a minute here because nobody reads my blog--that's okay, the same is true for most people and their blogs--but if by some chance you do read this don't hold it against me just this once, okay? Thanks.