Your Memorial Stones

I so want to hear other people's memorial stones but couldn't figure out how to allow you to post. But Sabe helped me figure out what to do. If you will tell your story or stories in this comment section, I will copy and paste them onto the page titled "Your Memorial Stones." :) I'm so glad to have this worked out. I look forward to hearing your stories!

God's People

This memorial stone is not a story, but a stone set to remember the good people I met in Maryland. These are people who are good and kind, many are beautiful Christians.

At the mental health clinic Sarah always greeted us cheerfully and was interested in what was happening in our lives. Makeitha is the founder and director of the clinic and any time I needed to talk she was available and helpful. Dr. Rosinsky is an excellent psychiatrist. He always gave me as much time as I needed, kept close tabs on how I was feeling and what I was doing, and treated me with respect. He's an intelligent and insightful man and I appreciated him a great deal.

At the library I worked with people who care about each other. I never saw any back-biting nor heard any gossip. They are kind, trustworthy people. Mrs. Atkinson is the head of the circulation department and the epitome of a Christian leader. I have the utmost respect for her. Shelly and I shared with each other and sometimes got into a little bit deeper discussions--about God, the Bible, the Christian walk, cultural differences, and psychology. Then there's Martha, Marcus, Terry, Teresa, Dee Dee, and Michelle. My heart swells when I think of them. How precious they are, each one. I thank God for putting me to work in a place filled with such kind people.

Finally there's Rick and Dionne and their kids. Oh my. These are beautiful Christian people--how I love them. Rick is a good man and sensitive. I'll never forget when we were going through an exceptionally difficult time and he gave me a hug. That hug was so warm and supportive. And Dionne--I doubt I can convey her beauty. The first thing Sabe and I liked about Dionne was how she feels about herself. She has a strong inner core, she likes herself, and she knows she can do just about anything she puts her mind to. We were very impressed and set her as an example for us in self-regard. Dionne is also very intelligent, caring, fun, and interesting. I loved talking with her. We had great discussions that went on for hours. Oh it was so much fun talking to her. And I know Rick and Dionne are great parents--it's obvious in their children. And if all of this is not enough, Rick and Dionne were there for us when we desperately needed support. For four or five solid days they were there. They were there in every way you can imagine. God kept us from collapsing using these people. I am so thankful for them and their love.

I am thankful for all the good people I associated with in Maryland. God was so good in surrounding me with people who care. They are His loving people and they will always have a place in my heart.

Nothing is too Difficult for Him

Early in 2005 I was thrown onto the wild roller coaster called bipolar. It was two years before I was stable and I lost a lot--most painfully my purpose, my plans, and any sense I'd had that I could direct my life. I also lost some core belief that I was capable of anything at all.

In the fall of 2007 I looked into filing bankruptcy. God told me He didn't want me to do that, but to pay my debts. He told me it was time to get a job.

I was afraid, very afraid. I looked around a little and didn't see anything that moved me at all--and believe me I needed to be moved. After some time I told God I knew what He wanted from me and I hadn't done it--"could you please strengthen me to obey you?"

That afternoon Sabe and I went to the library for some books for school. When I was checking out I saw their job posting for a clerical aide. I rushed back to the table where Sabe sat and in a very shaky voice told her all about it. It would mean a change in our school schedule, but she thought I should apply for it. So I got the package and took it home and filled it out and took it back.

Then I waited. I knew I should be applying for other jobs but just couldn't move myself at all. After two weeks of this I again told the Lord I knew I should be doing something and "could you please strengthen me to obey you?" That afternoon the library called me for an interview.

Two weeks after the interview I was in the same place I'd been for over a month. I was so afraid. I had no core--no strength, no shadow of ability, nothing. I didn't think I could work a job and I was afraid that any pressure would put me back in a bipolar episode. I prayed and I cried and I cried and I prayed. When I finally dried my eyes, the library called. Did I want a job with them? Of course!

And that is how God pulled me out of my coffin of terrified inertia and back into life.

Ask and You Shall Receive

We were unloading the moving truck and had gotten down to the last three ultra-heavy items. We were exhausted and desperately wished for some manpower. As we stood looking in the truck, I asked Sabe if she had prayed. She hadn't. I suggested we take a break and give God twenty minutes to bring us some help. Sabe replied, "You can rest if you want but if I sit down I won't get up again." So I said a short prayer asking for some muscle. When I finished I hollered at Sabe, "It's 5:16. Help should be here by 5:36." She didn't even think I was funny and continued trying to move a stacked washer/dryer. I sat down and watched her stubbornly wrestle the thing. She had it about halfway down the ramp when a car pulled in the driveway and two young men got out. "Oh look," I cried out. "Here's our help and it's exactly 5:36!" I laughed and laughed. I don't know if I was more pleased God answered my prayer or (meanly) that Sabe had been wrong. Or maybe it was that nearly hysterical place you go when you are way past tired. Whatever it was I had a good belly laugh over it.

I'm just amazed how He cares about our every need.

Telling the Stories

I'm reading through the Bible in six months with a group of fellow believers. Yesterday we read in Exodus 10 where God tells Moses that He is doing all this so the people can talk about the miracles in front of their children and grandchildren--so they can know He is God. I started this blog to help me remember all the times God has moved in my sight in a mighty way. I wanted to remember so I wouldn't get so discouraged over challenges we're facing. This scripture confirms what I am doing.

(Side note: I tell the girls stories from the Bible--how God has moved in mighty ways for our spiritual forefathers. But I also tell them stories from our lives--how God has moved in mighty ways for us today.)

Then today I looked at how the Israelites grumbled against God in their situations. Even when they didn't believe and disobeyed, He provided for them. It made me think about how often I am discontent. And really, what do I have to be discontent about? Nothing! So I started a list of things for which I am thankful. (I did a two-column page in about five minutes.) And I want to develop an attitude of thankfulness to carry around with me all day.

I know that our moods and attitudes are highly affected by the stories we tell ourselves. And we tell ourselves stories all day long. These stories are about memories, how we think of ourselves, how we think of others and how they treat us, etc., etc., etc. If I develop the habit of telling myself stories about God blessing me, I can develop an attitude of thanksgiving.

Right now I'm very thankful that He loves me enough to point out areas where I might grow. Can you imagine being thankful all day? How freeing!

Foundation Stones, Part Two

I want to tell you about the rest of that night. But before I do I want to say that I think God gave me the experience He did because of my weaknesses. There were going to be times in my life when I would need to recall something quite solid to know that I belonged to God and always would.

So I lay in bed praising God until I fell asleep.

I had a nightmare. I dreamt there was a monster outside my bedroom window trying to get in to get me. I tried to call out and to struggle to get away. The dream was so vivid and frightening that when I awoke I was actually standing at my front door turning the lock.

As I headed back to bed I understood the dream was from God. The monster was Satan and the door was the door to my heart. Satan was about to swallow me whole, but Jesus had rescued me--kept me safe.

Again I was very thankful for His love and salvation.

Foundation Stones

I want to write about the night I accepted Christ. The experience God gave me was very vivid. I would need the absolute bedrock "I am saved" assurance later.

I had been attending church for several months at least. I'm pretty good at picking up people's language and etc. so I think I came across as a Christian when I actually wasn't. The pastor at the time must have bought my facade because he had me teaching an adult Sunday School class. But I was in church and I was listening to what was being said.

One night I was laying in bed listening to a tape. "Only by Grace" came on. "Only by grace can we enter. Only be grace can we stand. Not by our human endeavor, but by the blood of the Lamb. Into Your presence You call us. You call us to come. Into your presence you draw us. And now by Your grace we come. Now by Your grace we come. Lord if You marked our transgressions, who would stand? Thanks to Your grace we are cleansed by the blood of the Lamb."

As I listened to this song it hit me: I'm a sinner. Jesus died to save me from my sins. "Thank You. Thank You. Thank You." I just thanked and praised Him. What a revelation. What a gift. Wow.

Yeah, that's enough. I remember. Maybe I'll finish this some other time. I don't want to take away from the pure love, the great sacrifice, the miracle of moving from condemned to saved. Glory, glory, glory. Sweet, astounding, love.

I See What He Wants Me to See

Here's a story that I referred to earlier as "God playing the perception card." (I love this story!)

I was a single mom. I worked hard to try to care for my children. I had no help from their father. I was very bitter. As a Christian, I knew I needed to forgive the man. And I tried, but I never could manage it. Any reminder of him brought the angry ranting, whether spoken or silent. Then I'd be convicted on forgiveness and I'd pray and I'd try again. I never managed it.

When my son married, his father was there. At the reception I looked at him, at his face covered with liver spots, at all the aging that a party-hard life leaves behind. And I looked at my two beloved granddaughters--children who delivered great joy--children he had never met until this day. I looked at my daughter and my son; he'd missed it all. He'd missed all the fun and laughter and blessing in raising these wonderful people.

I looked again at his face ravaged by aging--those liver spots--and I felt sorry for him. I didn't hate him anymore. I wasn't angry that he hadn't helped. He'd missed all the delight. Poor man. Poor, poor man. I felt sorry for him. And I didn't even have to try to forgive him. He'd already paid the heavy price.

After the reception I was talking to my oldest friend and telling her how God had finally enabled me to forgive the man. I told her what I had understood and mentioned how aged he was and his liver spotted face.

"Liver spots?" she asked. "What liver spots?"

"The ones all over his face."

"He didn't have any liver spots. He looked as good as he always has."

I didn't argue with her very long, she was pretty firm in what she had seen.

So I went to my daughter. "Did you see how bad your dad looked? So old, and all those liver spots."

"What are you talking about. He doesn't have any liver spots and he didn't look old at all."

Oookaaay. I tried a few other people. Same story whoever I asked.

All right. God played a trick on me. Only I saw the liver spots. They weren't there at all. The only place they existed was in my perception. Pretty smart, Lord.

Thank You for delivering me from hatred and bitterness. Thank You for doing whatever You needed to do to free me. I could forgive so I could be forgiven.

AMEN!

Where is God When We Make a Mistake?

We were moving from Maryland to Ohio. Sabe is in the van with the girls and the dogs while I am behind her driving the moving truck. The right-hand rear-view mirror will not stay in place. I am unable to see if it is safe to move right. Sabe is checking that for me and signaling me as to when I can move over.

We've made it all the way to Ohio and are going around Columbus. We will exit on 33 west. We happen to be on the phone with each other. I notice the next exit is 33 west and it is coming up now. I say, "Here it is!" and move onto the off ramp. Sabe says, "It's too soon!" and drives past the exit. It is too late for me to get back on the highway so off I go. Sabe takes the next exit which is 33 east. As we move in opposite directions Sabe tells me why this is not when we wanted to get off and that I'd have to go all the way through Columbus to be where I want to be. She wants me to turn around and get back on the highway. I do not want to turn around. The truck is big and hard to maneuver. I decide I will call Niel as he used to live in Columbus.

Niel tells me to turn around. So I go off on a side street and attempt to turn around at a crossroad. After getting out of the truck several times to check that I wasn't about to run into any trees or mailboxes or the car that was waiting patiently for me to move, I succeed. I head back to the highway.

As soon as I am on I call Sabe. "Where are you?" I ask, thinking she might be almost back to 270. As I talk I notice a van about six car lengths ahead. It has all kinds of stuff on the back.

"You're not that Budget truck right behind me, are you?" Sabe asked.

"Yeah. I think I am," I reply.

We laugh. I feel God telling me that everything's okay. If I make a mistake He will be there to fix it. I share this with Sabe and sing a song of praise.

That evening (Saturday) we look at our first possible rental, in Coldwater. It's a nice house with a big yard beautifully landscaped, but without the fence necessary for the dogs. As we talk to the owner, she mentions that we would be responsible to take care of the yard and that the dogs could not be put on any kind of restraint outside because it might create a bare patch in the yard.

We go for supper and all agree the house is not for us. All that landscaping would require too much work. The dogs need to run so we need a fenced yard. Desi insists the house is too small. We call the lady back and tell her no thank you.

The next day we spend on the phone looking for a rental that allows pets. Always they ask how big the dogs are and say no when we tell them 'black lab mixes.' We are supposed to turn the truck back in Monday but instead continue calling, calling, calling, and only two or three times actually looking at a house. None of them have fenced yards.

On Tuesday we look at a place in St. Marys. First we drive through the neighborhood and see many large dogs on chains. We also see a lot of trash and junk littering the yards. Then we go inside to find evidence of a leaking roof. We also see holes in the walls and other signs of neglect.

As we get into the van, I ask, "Is that place in Coldwater definitely out?" Sabe turns around and asks the girls. They all agree maybe we should rethink that house. "If it's even still available."

Sabe calls the woman to ask if the house is still available. It is. So she talks about our issues with renting her house. The woman says she didn't mean for us to care for all the flowerbeds, just to keep the grass cut. Well, that's a given. She also says if we want to put the dogs on the clothesline that will be okay.

We go to Coldwater and sign the lease.

That night as we sleep in our new house for the first time we talk about what happened. Sabe had asked God to have a house ready for us when we got here and He had done so. We rejected it--made a mistake. He kept the place open for us--fixed our mistake. Just as He had told me He would.

Thank You, Lord.

Trust Me

I have a bipolar II disorder. The II means that it is not a typical bipolar, though what is 'not typical' varies from person to person. What it means for me is that I cycle very quickly and my severe depressions last much longer than any mania. I'm currently pretty well stabilized with medication, but I occasionally still experience bouts of depression.

Sometime in the last year the Lord gave me a scripture: "I want you to trust me in your time of trouble so I can rescue you and you can give me glory." I felt 'time of trouble' meant depression. So I thought that was great--God was going to rescue me--I've always wanted to be rescued. :)

A few weeks later I woke up depressed. I remembered the scripture so didn't say anything to anyone but just prayed for help. I struggled through my morning responsibilities and headed for work. I couldn't see how I was going to make it through without crying, but I just kept praying. By the time I walked in the building, the depression had lifted. It had only lasted a couple of hours. I thanked God profusely and later shared with a coworker what God had done--giving Him glory.

Not even a week later it happened again. I knew God was going to rescue me so again I just prayed as I struggled through. This time the depression lasted six hours. I thanked and praised Him and again shared with another how He had rescued me.

A couple of months passed before I was again depressed. This time it continued for days and days. I had a regular appointment at the mental health clinic and when I arrived the director asked to see me. (Makeitha had started the clinic and is the director but she still sees clients and does intakes and re-evaluations.) We needed to do a re-eval. Well you can't be honest about your mental health and hide depression, so of course Makeitha saw what was going on. We talked for a while and decided I would come see her once a week until things were better. I also saw the doctor that day but we decided we didn't want to do a medication change yet.

As the depression continued I continued to pray for God's relief. But it didn't come and it didn't come.

I saw Makeitha again and she said things like, "You're not the only person who has to deal with depression," and "You might as well realize it's going to happen. You are bipolar." She wasn't very sympathetic and basically told me to suck it up. (Don't judge her yet. There's more here than meets the eye.)

The third time I saw her I came away pretty miffed. She had absolutely no compassion for my suffering. As I left the building and walked to my vehicle I planned on having a good cry. But I was also talking to God about it all and He showed me something I needed to see: I was feeling sorry for myself. Ouch. So I quit feeling sorry for "poor Robin who has to deal with depression."

Very shortly after I quit feeling sorry for myself I found myself angry all the time. I prayed, "What's going on here?" Well, God showed me. Anger was another way to feel sorry for myself: "Oh poor Robin. Someone did her wrong." Okay, that took care of the anger.

Two highly valuable lessons. I was still depressed, but I wasn't making it worse by feeling sorry for myself or being angry.

After about four weeks--all the while asking God what it meant to trust Him in the dark places--I shared with a friend all that had happened, including the things God had taught me. About ten minutes after our conversation the depression lifted. Just "poof" and it was gone. I was extremely surprised and poked at my emotional self just to see if it was true. It was true--the depression was gone. Wow.

The next time I saw Makeitha I started to tell her about what God had taught me. But when I explained my perceptions of her words to me, she freaked out. "What?!! Oh no!" She insisted she would never treat a client so callously. She was deeply shocked and very upset. "Tell me exactly what I said or did that felt that way to you. I don't want to ever do that again." At this point I felt that maybe God had played a 'perception card.' I'd had it happen before, where I saw something no one else did because God wanted me to--because He had a work He wanted to do in me. So I told her that story and told her how powerful and important were the lessons He'd taught me. I was convinced she'd come across as unsympathetic because I needed to see that I just wanted people to feel sorry for me as I felt sorry for myself.

So the whole thing with the scripture and the perception trick feels like a big bundle of love from God. Being corrected by the Lord sometimes hurts for a few seconds, but ultimately I feel so loved. He cares about me enough to shape me, to grow me up, to make me someone He can use.

This is the Way

Many years ago when my children were teenagers we lived in Brookville. I worked as an aide in a nursing home. I struggled with paying the bills and usually didn't have anything left over for groceries. Most of my paycheck went to rent--this was almost 75% of our bills.

One day my friend Shelva came to visit. As she was leaving, she stopped and turned back. "I almost forgot to tell you. Dick [her husband] said he would sell you the trailer on land contract." As we discussed this possibility it came out that my monthly payments would only be $200. Wow. The offer sounded very good but was this God's will for our lives?

I prayed, asking God what I should do. He gave me a scripture, "And your ears will hear a word behind you, 'This is the way, walk in it,' whenever you turn to the right or the left" (Isaiah 30;21). What stood out to me was that the word came as you walked. So I decided I'd try to move back and listen for the word.

The trailer was back in Mendon so I'd have to have a job lined up before I accepted. I counted this as walking.. If we were to move back to Mendon He would give me a job. If we were not, I would not find a job.

On my next day off I drove back to the area. I stopped at the St. Marys' hospital and applied there. Then I headed to Celina to apply at Visiting Nurses. As I drove from one town to the next, it occurred to me that I could look for a job for days and not get anything. So I asked God exactly how long He wanted me to look before I knew it was not His will for us to move. I didn't hear anything at the moment so I just trusted He would let me know.

At Visiting Nurses I was hired on the spot.

Crucified with Christ

I have been a Christian for almost twenty years. I was a smoker for nearly thirty-five years. I don't believe Christians should have addictions and I tried many times to get rid of mine. After so many failed attempts I gave up. My attitude was: "I smoke. Don't hassle me about it. Are you addicted to caffeine? Sugar? Chocolate? Food in general? If so, you have no room to talk." I had no intentions of quitting smoking, though occasionally I was ashamed.

Then one day in October of 2008 Sabe and I were sitting on the porch having a smoke when I suddenly blurted out, "What do you think of quitting smoking?"

Quitting smoking! Where did that come from?

Sabe was as shocked as I was. But she agreed it sounded like a good idea and we planned to start researching the best way to go about it. We read books and articles online. We came up with a plan that involved cutting back to nothing. We worked the plan. I was down to two cigarettes a day when I quit working the plan. I gradually worked myself up to what I was smoking before we started. I had no more plans to quit.

But unbeknown to me, my granddaughters were praying for us to quit smoking.

So in October of 2009, with Sabe and I again sitting on the porch smoking, I blurted out the same question. Again Sabe agreed. We dug up all our information and made a new plan that involved using the patch. We worked the plan. Several times I went up the street to sneak a smoke, but I was still committed to quitting.

The patches helped a lot but I don't expect I would have succeeded had not the Lord reminded me that 'I had been crucified with Christ so that I no longer lived but Christ lived in me.'

I used that scripture many, many times a day. Every time a craving enveloped me I prayed, "For I have been crucified with Christ so that I no longer live but Christ lives in me." I knew Jesus would never have smoked, so as long as I was dead and He lived in me, I wouldn't smoke. I felt God's strong arms around me and I knew He was going to 'quit me smoking.'

He did. In all of this I do not consider myself to have quit--I had no desire to do so and I am not good at denying myself. God did it and it amazes me. I really thought I'd be addicted for the rest of my life. But God obviously wanted to deliver me, so He did. Thank You Lord!

"For I have been crucified with Christ so that I no longer live but Christ lives in me." Galatians 2:20

Desi's Story

Always when I think of God moving I am reminded of Desi’s program. Every day He did something to show His presence and His power. So though I have many other memorial stones, I am going to write for a while about what God did for Desi.

To read Desi's story, go to that page. The link is at the top right-hand side of the screen.