Another God Story

Moving again. This time into a second-floor apartment. We've already unloaded one 14 foot truck full of stuff. Now we have another. This one has furniture on it in addition to the boxes. There are three of us to do the job--Niel, our friend Andrew, and I. I feel bad for the guys. We pull into the apartment complex to find someone moving out parked in front of the door. They tell us they'll only be about ten minutes more so we take a side space and begin what looks like an impossible task. We only make a couple of trips up before the four men finish with the moving out. They almost immediately turn around and start carrying our stuff up the stairs! Thank You God! With six men (and me) working the truck is unloaded in no time. What a blessing! I cry every time I tell someone about it. Unbelievable. God is so good.

You surround me with songs of deliverance.

When my heart is heavy unto death, then do I look to You and see You afar off. Where art Thou oh my Salvation? Where my Comforter, the Lover of my soul?

I'm on Drugs

"My name is Brant, and I'm on mind-altering drugs.

"Fluoxetine, to be exact. 20 mg a day. It's for my brain, which isn't normal. Or, perhaps it's very normal, given the millions currently taking fluoxetine, or its name-brand equivalent, Prozac. I've been taking fluoxetine for the past year."

I don't take Prozac. I take three other medications. I still deal with depression and anger and other nice little brain-twisters. But with the mind-altering drugs I am (comparatively) sane. I wonder some of the same things Brant wonders, though, about Christians taking drugs. Read his post "Is Jesus Enough?"

http://branthansen.typepad.com/letters_from_kamp_krusty/2007/12/is-jesus-enough.html

Someone replied to Brant's post with this "Some people just feel life deeper....It is like a burden that is almost too heavy to bear. Too many thoughts, too many feelings, too much for one person."

I feel that, but wonder if it's a cop out. Maybe everyone feels deeply. Maybe I just don't handle it as well as most people. Maybe that last is a beat-yourself-up thought. Maybe there is no telling.

I know people get sick of my negativity so I try not to talk to anyone if I can't be positive. (And you still get sick of it!) And I try to fake it and the more I do the better I get at it. Sometimes I hope if I fake it enough it will become real but it never does. I just get to walk around with this about-to-cry heaviness that turns to anger and sometimes-oh joy!-to giddy, need-speed, can't-shut-up happiness. And all this on drugs that control it!!

I feel pretty safe whining and feeling sorry for myself for a minute here because nobody reads my blog--that's okay, the same is true for most people and their blogs--but if by some chance you do read this don't hold it against me just this once, okay? Thanks.

iMonk

Have discovered a site where the writings keep slamming me up against the wall. Some of them I want to call to your attention. Here's an excerpt from one:

"The reason I am unafraid to side with the dissenters and those asking questions that aren’t allowed is that history is moving to our side. The manipulators of orthodoxy are in trouble. They’ve taken our confidence and put the screws to us for the sake of their own power. The celebrity-driven churches are, for the most part, going to be exposed as having no clothes. The laboratories that produce these evangelical clones are shutting down as the experiments seem to have gone horribly wrong. The deluded majority can act as if they have squashed everyone’s arguments and rendered all competing opinions foolish, but in fact, quite the opposite is happening. A lot of people are dissenting, even in an atmosphere of intimidation and spiritual abuse. Write all the books and blogs you want. Have a conference and get 3000 men to wring their hands with you. You aren’t gong to stop the collapse of the kind of authoritarian fundamentalism that wants to keep all of evangelicalism in a stranglehold. It’s over."

Read the full post at
http://www.internetmonk.com/archive/talk-hard-ii-defending-dissent#more-2817

Your Memorial Stones

I so want to hear other people's memorial stones but couldn't figure out how to allow you to post. But Sabe helped me figure out what to do. If you will tell your story or stories in this comment section, I will copy and paste them onto the page titled "Your Memorial Stones." :) I'm so glad to have this worked out. I look forward to hearing your stories!

God's People

This memorial stone is not a story, but a stone set to remember the good people I met in Maryland. These are people who are good and kind, many are beautiful Christians.

At the mental health clinic Sarah always greeted us cheerfully and was interested in what was happening in our lives. Makeitha is the founder and director of the clinic and any time I needed to talk she was available and helpful. Dr. Rosinsky is an excellent psychiatrist. He always gave me as much time as I needed, kept close tabs on how I was feeling and what I was doing, and treated me with respect. He's an intelligent and insightful man and I appreciated him a great deal.

At the library I worked with people who care about each other. I never saw any back-biting nor heard any gossip. They are kind, trustworthy people. Mrs. Atkinson is the head of the circulation department and the epitome of a Christian leader. I have the utmost respect for her. Shelly and I shared with each other and sometimes got into a little bit deeper discussions--about God, the Bible, the Christian walk, cultural differences, and psychology. Then there's Martha, Marcus, Terry, Teresa, Dee Dee, and Michelle. My heart swells when I think of them. How precious they are, each one. I thank God for putting me to work in a place filled with such kind people.

Finally there's Rick and Dionne and their kids. Oh my. These are beautiful Christian people--how I love them. Rick is a good man and sensitive. I'll never forget when we were going through an exceptionally difficult time and he gave me a hug. That hug was so warm and supportive. And Dionne--I doubt I can convey her beauty. The first thing Sabe and I liked about Dionne was how she feels about herself. She has a strong inner core, she likes herself, and she knows she can do just about anything she puts her mind to. We were very impressed and set her as an example for us in self-regard. Dionne is also very intelligent, caring, fun, and interesting. I loved talking with her. We had great discussions that went on for hours. Oh it was so much fun talking to her. And I know Rick and Dionne are great parents--it's obvious in their children. And if all of this is not enough, Rick and Dionne were there for us when we desperately needed support. For four or five solid days they were there. They were there in every way you can imagine. God kept us from collapsing using these people. I am so thankful for them and their love.

I am thankful for all the good people I associated with in Maryland. God was so good in surrounding me with people who care. They are His loving people and they will always have a place in my heart.